Don't Think Twice
by HappilyMoonstruck
Summary: Estonia is sick and tired of sitting by while Lithuania suffers. He has a plan, a plan that would involve cunning and sacrifice. The official story is that he did it for Toris... The secret is that he did it for himself. RusxEst with just a dash of smut mixed in. If you don't want to read it, the back button is for your discretion.
1. Impulses

**Warnings: **Let's see... Yaoi, drama, violence, language (much language)... and... angst. I think I covered everything. I warn you, there will be Rustonia smut. If you don't like it, don't read it, quite simple I think. There will be smut, but it's not _all_ smut, so if you clicked on this looking for a crap-load of porn, sorry. Denied. Also, I'm using mostly human names, as I want to explore the dynamics of characters rather than countries.

**Disclaimer: **I... I own Hetalia. *Gets shot by a lawyer* Never mind...

Eduard vonBock took a shot of vodka for courage and ran up the stairs, pausing just in front of Russia's office door. He heard the sound of typing coming from inside. The personification of Estonia waited just a moment to listen to the beating of his own heart, before he burst inside the door. Ivan had hurt Toris earlier this week. Not like the times before, this time the Lithuanian was hurt so badly he could barely walk. But he grimaced and bore it and two days later you couldn't even tell by just looking at him. Regardless, Eduard swore to himself that he would never let it happen again. At first the Estonian thought he would fight his employer, but he soon realized he'd never be able to. Ivan was just too strong for him to even try. But soon Eduard came up with a solution. He knew what he had to do.

Just as soon as the typewriter stopped clicking, Eduard burst through the door, reveling in the shocked stare that occupied those purple eyes. He strode across the room, taking two steps at a time. Ivan stood up, and Eduard made it to the desk just as he began to speak.

"What the h-" The taller man was cut off as Eduard crashed his lips into the Russian's. With Ivan's surprised gasp, Eduard slid his tongue into the other's mouth, exploring every corner. Ivan likewise slid his hand under Eduard's tie, and pulled him closer, fighting and gaining dominance of the kiss. When they broke apart for air, he whispered in a low voice, "What do you think you are doing?"

"I think I'm kissing you."

"Can I ask _why_?"

"I think you know why."

"I do not. That is why I would like you to _explain_." Ivan tightened his grip on the younger man's tie and leaned frighteningly close as he said this. Eduard tried to keep his voice steady as he answered.

"I-I've loved you for a long time, and I've only just now gotten up the courage t-to confess." The Russian smiled and moved around the side of the desk until he was directly across from the Estonian man.

"What exactly is it that you like about me?" Ivan wore a creepy sort of smile under his lidded eyes, and Eduard inwardly shivered, but he kept his outer composure calm.

"Y-your eyes. They're beautiful, like violets. And your hair, the color of ash on snow," vonBock struggled to come up with something, anything that would specifically appeal to Ivan. "A-and you're strong, strong enough to protect all of us here." That did it, that put it over the edge. Eduard could see it in his eyes, he could see Ivan's mind change. And for the first time that night, he felt hopeful. _I'll survive this. I'm stronger than Toris, I can take it._

"Да, You're not too bad looking yourself, Eduard." Estonia wasn't in it for the compliments, but that remark still stung a little. _Not bad? Not as good as Toris, he means. _Even though this whole thing began as self-sacrifice, Eduard felt it suddenly turn into something different. Jealousy? Or maybe something else entirely.

"Trust me," The Estonian began. "I'm not bad at all when you get to know me more... Intimately." Eduard leaned closer. "And I'd like to know you better too, Mr. Braginski." Ivan smiled.

"That can be arranged." Eduard stood on his toes and leaned in for another kiss, he closed his eyes, and immediately opened them again when he felt a knee connect with his stomach.

"Oof!" He exclaimed as he doubled over, kneeling in pain. He felt strong arms scoop him up bridal-style, and carry him out of the office. He groaned and inwardly cursed himself for thinking it would be that easy. _Of course! Of course I can't just confess my "love" and get away. I did this in the __first place to keep my brother from getting abused. Of course there'll be violence._

"Please, call me Ivan." The tall man said as he walked up the stairs, carrying a grimacing Eduard. The blond pressed a hand to his aching torso, and hoped for the best.

Eduard heard a door open and looked up just as Ivan set his feet firmly on the ground, and swept him into another kiss, this time, loosing the Estonian's tie as he did so.

"Eduard," He whispered into the blond's neck, "I think I'd like to know you better, as well." That damned Russian was deft. He kept his mouth close to Eduard's neck, planting kisses all the way down his neck and collar bone, using his tongue as well as his lips, drawing gasped breaths from the younger Estonian. He had one hand around Eduard's waist, and was currently using his free hand to undo the buttons on his shirt. When the white dress shirt was hanging as open as the tie, Ivan pressed his lips to Eduard's and switched hands so that his left was pressing against the small of the Estonian's back, and his right was unzipping the blond's pants.

Eduard felt a sudden nipping at his lower lip. Ivan was practically demanding to be let in, but Eduard was having second thoughts. _N-no. It wasn't supposed to- I- I won't! _He suddenly felt a sharp pain as Ivan pinched his side. He gasped before he thought, and suddenly the Russian's tongue was assaulting every corner of his mouth, and nearly going down his throat, and everything was flying _too fast to think! _Ivan never took his lips off of Eduard's as he guided them both to the queen-size in the corner, and nothing was registering correctly in the Estonian's mind.

Eduard lay on his back on the bed, breathless and slightly awed at it all as Ivan undressed to his boxers. The man hurriedly stripped and crawled onto the bed, with one leg and one arm on either side of the smaller man. He leaned down into Eduard's ear as he grabbed something out of the bed-side drawer. He whispered very quietly.

"I'm sorry. This is going to hurt."

"I-I don't care..." And he realized in that moment he really didn't care. It wasn't a show anymore, he just didn't care. In this moment he couldn't bring himself to hate Russia. In fact, another emotion was welling up inside him. Love? No, not possibly. Lust was probably a better word right now. And as Eduard rolled onto his stomach and felt handcuffs click into place, he experienced a sort of peace. No matter what happened, let it happen. There was no stopping this speeding train of events.

Eduard turned his head to the side and Ivan obliged by removing his glasses, now he was blind as a bat, but at the same time, he really didn't want to break them. The Estonian man gasped as he felt something leather stroke against his shoulder blades.

"This, Eduard, is the whip that Lithuania and I use. But don't worry, when I find the time, I'll get something special just for you!"

_ Oh god, no, no, no-_ Eduard thought as he felt the first strike, biting his lip to keep from shouting out at the sharp pain. And it happened again, and again, until Eduard's lip was nearly as bloody as his back and he was sobbing into the pillow.

And there wasn't a break or even a pause before Ivan pounced on the Estonian's neck again, biting just a bit at his collar bone, and working his way down the man's back, until- was he... lapping at the blood? Despite the atmosphere of utter _strangeness,_ Eduard had to admit the act felt good. In fact, even the beating wasn't really that _bad_ was it?

_Damn. When did I __start to enjoy this crap__?_ Eduard von Bock thought this as he recognized a distinct tightness in his groin, a need that was immediately met by a hard-rubbing hand. The Estonian pulled against the cuffs and arched his back into the strokes, trying to hold back the high-pitched moans threatening to escape his lips. Ivan took his sweet time getting the boxers down and kept rubbing as Eduard grew more and more desperate.

"J-just do it already!" Ivan smirked, though Eduard couldn't see it.

"Нет, not yet-"

"W-why!?" Now the Russian stopped rubbing altogether as he leaned into the Estonian's ear and whispered,

"Because I want to hear you _beg._" Eduard fought so hard to keep the need out of his voice, but it still leaked through, syrupy-sweet.

"P-please! _Palun!_" The ashe-blond man gave a chuckle.

"I can't quite understand you. Would you like to try again in Russian~?"

"_П__-пожалуйста!_"

"Mmm, much better~!" Ivan did as requested, and he had to admit to himself that it was _so_ much more gratifying than screwing passive, frightened Toris. That Estonian's moans were music to his ears and much more importantly, he didn't seem to be afraid.

When he was finished, Ivan rolled off to Eduard's side and let out a deep sigh. The Estonian felt something warm drip down his leg, but he didn't want to think about it. He also didn't care to focus on the powerful scent of blood and sweat which permeated the room. Rather, he focused on the strong scent of vodka and wintergreen cologne on his companion. He waited for his breathing to slow down and for his heart to stop pounding against his ribcage.

Ivan propped his head up on an elbow as he looked at Eduard. A question came into his mind, and he didn't want to ask, but knew that he had to.

"Eduard... What made you come into my office tonight?" The Estonian hesitated.

"I-I told you. I... love you..." Anyone with a functioning brain could tell that was a blatant falsity.

"I think you're lying."

"I'm a masochist."

"More likely, but I still think it's a lie." The blond opened his mouth again, but Ivan placed a finger over his lips. "Don't say another word. I can see it in your eyes." Those very eyes grew wide with that last statement. "I think you did it to spare Toris, didn't you?" The Estonian had tears in his eyes as he shook his head. Ivan took his finger from Eduard's lips, and raised it thoughtfully to his chin. "You're very clever."

"C-clever enough to save him?" The young man asked. The ashe-blond Russian's expression grew dark. He took on a vicious smirk, and the Estonian could see a purple aura begin to form around the imposing figure.

"I'm sorry Eduard. I'll tell him you tried~!" He redressed as Eduard fought one final time to keep his composure. It was all for nothing. Everything he did, _it was all for no reason! _As Ivan left, he peered back into the room, and added, "Oh, Eduard, don't go anywhere~!" That threw the nation of Estonia entirely over the edge_._

"Where the hell am I going to go!? I'm _handcuffed to your fucking bed!_" He shouted at the receding back. The door closed with a click.

The personification of Russia went straight to the lavatory, where he splashed some cold water over his face and stared into the mirror. He was pissed_,_ with a capital P.

_That little liar. I should have known from the very beginning that he couldn't have loved me... _Ivan stared hard into his own eyes, trying to force the purple radiance back down. _And who could blame him? It's no wonder everyone hates me. _It occurred to Ivan, that he'd been lying too. He'd just told Estonia he was on the brink of going off to abuse and molest his brother, and that was about the last thing he wanted to do right now. _So why did I say it?_ The Russian blinked at his reflection. _Because you wanted it to hurt. _The mirror image seemed to say. _You wanted to slash him with your __words, because you knew that would injure him worse than your hands ever could._ As Ivan stared into the bathroom mirror, he knew it was true. He knew he had simply wanted to hurt Eduard, like he hurt everyone else. _No wonder the world hates me._

He walked out of the lavatory and back to his bedroom, opening the door softly. Eduard looked up and his cheeks were damp, as if he'd been crying.

"W-what do you want? Did you come back to gloat some more?" He asked in anger. Ivan just sighed as he unlocked the cuffs, watching as the Estonian rubbed his wrists.

"Just... just go, Eduard." The blond hastily put on his boxers and glasses, and he flinched when Ivan tossed the rest of his clothes at him and practically shoved him out of the door, shutting it in his face.

Eduard blinked. He was standing in the hallway, half naked, holding a bundle of clothes, and wondering what the hell had just happened. He dressed in the middle of the hallway, not bothering to re-do his tie, or correctly button his shirt, he just threw everything on and walked away. He went to bed, curling up beside Raivis, who never stirred.

He tried to stop thinking and sleep, but it was impossible. _What just happened? He just used me and threw me away! He said he would hurt Toris, yet he didn't. Why? Was he still going to chase after the man who hated him? Was his fleeting second of kindness (if one could call it that) a one-time thing? _There were two many questions and too few answers. He buried his face in his pillow and tried to imagine a future in which everything turned out according to plan for once. He couldn't, and when he finally calmed down, Eduard von Bock realized he was very tired. It was time to give in to the oblivion of sleep.

A floor above, on the other side of the house, another resident was having a fit of insomnia. Ivan poured himself a shot of vodka, drank it, and poured another before he even attempted reviewing the situation. The one person in the entire world (aside from his sisters) who wasn't afraid of him, was Eduard von Bock. And he'd just insulted him and shoved him out the door.

**A/N:** If it's incoherent, I apologize. This was written at 11:30 at night, fueled on kettle corn, mountain dew, and Bob Dylan. I found out that a while ago that RusLiet was actually semi-canon, and that's just...no. I like RusEst because I think it has the _potential _to be a stable and rewarding relationship, and I just can't see that happening with RusLiet, as Toris has a bad way of letting everyone walk all over him (The character, not the country, that is). Also, I KNOW THE BALTICS AREN'T BROTHERS. I know this. I like to portray them as such, simply because I want to. I like it, it's creative license.


	2. Feelings

**Warnings: **Language, drama, implied violence, and so, so much protective!Lithuania, you will never breathe again.

**Disclaimer: ***Currently a fugitive from the copyright lawyers* I- I was just joking guys! *nervous laugh* I don't really own Hetalia!

When Eduard von Bock awoke the next morning, he was struck by a weird sense of normalcy. He was in his bed, the bed he shared with the other two Baltics, who were now absent. They had probably already risen, and were breaking breakfast right now. Normally Eduard was the early riser, but after last night... he was just exhausted. Exhausted and _sore, _really. And to be honest, he would have thought the entire thing was just a dream, were it not for the aches in his muscles and the sting in his back.

That strange sensation of normalcy continued throughout the day. It was as if time continued flowing, day by day, and it wasn't going to stop just because the Estonian was fighting his own personal battles. The blond man pondered this as he dusted the books in the library. He was so deep in his own thoughts, he didn't even hear Toris come up behind him.

"You look tired, Eduard. Are you okay?" He placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder, but Eduard almost jumped a foot in the air at the contact.

"Yes, I'm just tired. Didn't get much sleep last night." He said quickly, before he could take it back. Why had he lied? Surely Toris would understand, wouldn't he?

"Ah, well, okay then. I'm actually not tired for once. For some reason R-Russia... He never called me up last night." The Lithuanian looked closely at his adopted brother, and smiled. "So, what are you up to?" Eduard smiled back and went back to dusting as he answered.

"Nothing much. I'm just dusting off these tomes before I organize them all. I'm organizing them by Fiction, Non-Fiction, genre, and alphabetical order." Toris raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Huh. I'm impressed! That's very clever." Eduard gave a smug little bow.

"I aim to astound!" Toris gave a parting laugh and patted Eduard's back as he left, somehow missing the Estonian's wince.

After checking up on Eduard, Toris headed off to do the washing. He stripped each of the beds in turn, putting the sheets in a pile on his laundry-cart. Everyone's sheets were distinctive, and you could tell whose was whose just by appearance and feel. Katyushka's were a dull beige, with a low-ish thread count. Not as low a thread count as the baltic's bed, but not as high as Natalya's. Her sheets were a bright red, and were probably made of something like Egyptian cotton. He paused when he stirpped the mattress, breathing in Natalya's scent. Sure, she was a huge bitch to him, but at the same time, most everyone was a bitch to Lithuania. He didn't really mind her crazy impulses, if anything, Toris was used to crazy by now.

Ivan's sheets he always did last. He wanted to avoid being in that room for as long as he could. He quickly bent and stripped the pure white sheets off of the mattress. He was swift- but not so swift that he missed the small red stains that graced the fabric._..Blood? But whose? Sure as hell isn't mine..._ Suddenly, in Toris' mind, everything clicked. Russia left him alone. Eduard was tired. There was blood on the bedsheets, it all added up. Oh yes, Eduard was _very _clever. He was too clever for his own good. He continued to do the laundry, as if he had seen nothing. Yet he kept it in his mind, he mulled it over, and he made sure to mention it to his dear brother, the first chance he got.

Likewise, on the opposite side of the house, Ivan Braginski was having trouble focusing on his work. No matter what he did, he couldn't stop thinking about how that damned Estonian's face looked when he lied. That lie that was so much prettier than the truth. Then, how his face had looked when Ivan harassed him, the damp cheeks he'd tried to hide.

The Russian wanted to fix that. He wanted to rectify his mistake, start all over, and this time, do it right. He didn't want to be violent or spiteful anymore, but at the same time, the wars and winters had hardened his heart. Ivan wasn't sure he was even capable of emotion anymore, much less love and empathy. But then... He'd felt remorse hadn't he? That had to be a start at least! At this point, the ashe-blond Russian silently made a pact with himself. _Well. That is that then. I must amend my wrongs and control my impulses._ He drank a shot of vodka to seal the promise.

That evening, Eduard went to the kitchen, and got a surprise when he saw Toris there too. He was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee.

"Hello Toris. I'm just getting a glass of water before bed. Maybe it'll help me sleep tonight."

"Yeah, sleep. So how was your day today, Eduard?" The blond sat down at the table across from his brother, and sighed.

"Pretty average, yours?"

"Fine. A little odd though."

"Odd?" The Lithuanian never broke eye contact with the Estonian as he explained.

"Yes, odd. I was doing the laundry when I saw blood on Mr. Russia's bedsheets. I know it isn't mine... I was hoping you could elaborate?" Eduard had gone pale. All the color had drained from his face.

"Don't look at me. I have no idea. Maybe Russia was on his man-period or something, I don't know." He gave a nervous little laugh.

"Men don't-"

"It was a joke, I was trying to lighten the mood. Listen Toris, I have no idea, okay? I-I'm really not the one you should be asking." The Lithuanian man frowned.

"Well it wasn't funny. And I'm worried about you." His eyebrows scrunched together in concern.

"Don't be. I can take care of myself, Toris! I'm... I'm not a child anymore."

"No, you're not a child. And that's what I'm afraid of." Eduard tried very hard to avoid rolling his eyes as he pushed in his chair and turned to walk out. He could hear Toris mutter something at his retreating back,

"And you say my crush on Natalya is dangerous. Yet you made a pact with the demon himself."

Eduard walked out of the kitchen, up the stairs and into the bathroom, where he promptly sat on the toilet and groaned. _This entire, dumb-ass scheme was an idea to save that ungrateful douche._Or was it? Eduard tried so hard to avoid negative attention, but what about positive attention ? There simply was none. Eduard only tried so hard to be impressive, and clever, and Ivan spent all his time pursuing the one man who hated him, and it just _wasn't fair!_

It was then that the Estonian realized something truly scary. Last night he'd slept with, quite possibly the most dangerous man in the world, and he did it all for selfish reasons. Even scarier was the fact that he'd do it again in a heartbeat. Eduard stood up and took a deep breath to calm his mind. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, but one thing was for sure. He had to find Ivan.

The blond Estonian opened the bathroom door and sped out into the hall- running smack into a tall figure.

"You're just who I was looking for!" they both said in unison. Eduard chuckled. "You first," he said.

"I'm not very good with words, but... I _am_ very, very sorry."

"You don't need to apologize. _I_ came to _you,_ remember?"

"Нет, not that, I mean... I am sorry for being an... an ass to you. I'm sorry for treating you like dirt when I found out you'd lied. Especially when subterfuge was probably your safest choice, considering how I've... acted in the past." Ivan looked down at his shoes. One boot in particular was trying to wear a hole into the carpet at the moment. _An apology... _Eduard thought,_ is very unlike Russia. What is he getting at?_

"It's okay. I... I forgive you."

"Thank you. Thank you very much Eduard. Now, your turn." Eduard took a deep breath.

"We have to talk. You and I... No matter what happens now, we shared a connection once, and I can't just forget that." Ivan shook his head in agreement.

"I can't either."

"So what do we do now?" Ivan raised a hand to Eduard's chin, lifting it so that they were looking into each other's eyes.

"We follow where our feelings lead us, wherever that may be."

"What will people say?"

"People will talk. People always talk. Besides, what are words to us?" Eduard grinned.

"I've been through far worse than rumors."

"Exactly. And... I need you to help me." Eduard's eyebrows curved into a questioning glance. _I knew there was a catch,_ he thought. Ivan continued. "I need you to help me... to be a better man."

"What? That's what you need help with?" The blond laughed. "You didn't have to ask! I was going to do that anyway, Ivan!"

"Perfect! Thank you again, Eduard."

"But, Ivan?"

"Дa?"

"That can wait until tomorrow. For now, let's do the other bit and follow our hearts." Eduard leaned onto his toes and pressed his lips to Ivan's, letting his arms curl around the taller's neck. Likewise, the Russian wrapped his arms around the Estonian's waist, and for a moment- time stood still.


	3. Saule

Warnings: Implied EVERYTHING. Not really, but you know what I mean. Yaoi, mythology, Crazy Lithuania, need I say more?

A/N: This chapter is our (rambly, incoherent) story so far, told through Toris' POV. Anyway, _enjoy~!_

In Lithuania, we have a story. We have a story about a goddess, Saule. She was the sun goddess, and had the job of bringing the sun across the sky every day. Then, afterwards, she would wash her horses in the Nemunas river. This was her daily routine.

Saule, the strong and beautiful goddess, had a husband too. His name was Meness, the moon, and he was just a lazy good for nothing who only came out outside when it suited him. Nevertheless, Saule stood by his side, and they had many children.

One day, Saule finished her daily routine, and her subjects praised her for it. Then she returned home to terrible news. Saule's daughter, Ausrine, was missing. The shimmering sun goddess searched for her, and when she found her daughter, Ausrine was crying.

Meness, _her own father,_ had hurt the girl so badly that she ran away, and that was where her mother found her. Saul was enraged. So enraged that she flew over to the house shared by her husband, and stabbed him in the face. He still bears the scars.

I am not a god, but I'm closer to godhood than many humans. I can live, theoretically, forever, should no one inflict fatal damage to my country. I am not a god, but I still have responsibilities. The responsibility to serve my people, fight in wars, follow orders... And there are responsibilities I give myself. The responsibility to _survive _in a war-zone. The responsibility to _protect those I love. _Looking back at that final task... As far as I'm concerned, I failed terribly. Raivis lives in terror, Feliks has abandoned me. And Eduard... I don't even want to think about that situation.

I am not a god. And I'm surely not a goddess. But when it comes right down to it, I am Saule. I mean, I'm not really Saule, but I'm in her position. Meness has hurt someone. Someone who depends on me. Do I let him get away with that? Oh, _Hell no._

I am not a god, but I know right from wrong. I know that I can't allow the ones I love to suffer. I can't let it go on any longer.

A/N: Well that was really damn short. Oh well. I'm more engrossed in my "real life" writing now, I've had precious little time for fanfiction.


	4. Confusion

**A/N: **AlrightI wasn't planning on finishing this, but after the incredible response from the community, I've decided to finish it off after all. I'm not entirely sure where it's going and I'm not entirely sure where it will take me, but I'm fairly sure we'll all enjoy the ride.

**Warnings: **the usual, yaoi, and a whole lot of drama.

**Disclaimer: **Well the copyright lawyers have finally decided to leave me alone, but only after I signed a treaty promising that I would never ever take credit for this again, and also signing off part of my soul to Hetalia (already done). So, needless to say, I don't own Hetalia.

Nothing is more awkward than breakfast. Eduard Von Bock walked into the kitchen, and was greeted by bickering nations seated around a breakfast table.

"Good Morning, Toris, Raivis, Natalya, Katyushka." He muttered as he poured a mug of coffee.

"G-Good Morning Eduard! Uh... W-where's Mr. Russia?"

"How should I know that?" Eduard asked, raising an eyebrow, with a withering glare from Toris.

"There's no use hiding your little tryst when you don't even come to bed afterward." The oldest Baltic sighed in a melodramatic sort of way. Katyushka seemed confused, and Natalya glared daggers of pure ice at Eduard. Raivis thought it best he stayed out of matters such as these. When he got involved in fights, they usually ended badly for him. Meanwhile, Eduard, in the midst of the turmoil, desperately wished to be a Nordic.

"Come on, Eduard! Are you seriously that starved for attention? I've been working my butt off to keep you safe, and you just throw it away!?" The Lithuanian pleaded.

"You!? I thought I was helping you!" The Estonian retorted.

"Leave my beloved brother alone, you blond bastard!" The Belarusian screamed.

Insults flew like birds over the breakfast table while Katyushka and Raivis ate their oatmeal, casting glances at the bickering countries. To be honest, it was far more interesting than the watery cereal, and that thing that may or may not have been a raisin.

It was about to become a full-out brawl, when suddenly, Ivan Braginski appeared in the doorway, purple aura blazing.

"I could hear you three fighting all the way in my office! What the hell is the problem here?" The three glanced at each other and muttered insufficient answers. "I believe this is an argument over... romantic entanglements, да?"

Toris clutched his breakfast fork as he remembered his pact, the silent way he'd likened himself to Saule.

"No Mr. Braginski, _sir._ It was an argument over the way you treat us." Raivis almost spewed oatmeal in his shock. Toris was questioning authority. Bad things happened when you questioned authority.

"The way I treat you?" Ivan quietly asked with a smirk. "By all means Toris, _enlighten me_."

The inflections in his voice almost made the brunet lose his resolve, yet he powered on.

"Y-yes. First you came after me. Then you got bored and chased after Eduard. Who's next? Raivis?" The said fourteen year old proceeded to scarf down his oatmeal in order to quietly abscond.

"Oh please." The Russian defended. "Raivis is a child, do you-" Toris cut him off.

"Oh, a child is he? Do you even _know_ how old Eduard is?"

"Well... no, but-"

"He's seventeen. He's seventeen years old! How can you even _try_ to justify that!?" Toris shouted in a fury.

Eduard could see a fight growing, and quickly stepped between the two men.

"Let's be reasonable here. It's obvious that this is one big misunderstanding. You used to be with Toris, who didn't like you. Natalya likes you, but you don't like her." Eduard jumped behind Ivan as the girl leaped towards him. The Russian calmly took her hands and shoved her aside, with a mix of terror and condescension. He was rather used to her outbursts by now. And rather than letting Eduard deny the facts, Russia finished the explanation for him.

"And you like me, though I am bad for you." Eduard blinked and frowned.

"Not necessarily. Let's just weigh the pros and cons here..."

"No, Toris is right. I don't want to hurt you."

"Too late for that..." Toris muttered.

"I don't want to hurt you irreparably. I just- I can't control myself. Not around you, not around anyone."

"But that's why I'm here! I can help you!" Eduard cried out.

"You can't fix crazy! He's a sadistic creep, Ed. I know from experience!"

"He is standing right beside you, you know." Russia growled.

"I-I know I can help. I have a theory." Eduard pushed his glasses up and stared determinedly at his adopted brother. Said brother sighed as he thought it over. Finally he spoke.

"Okay. I give it a month. I give it a month before I do something drastic." Ivan withheld a snicker.

"Honestly, what are you going to do? Whine me to death?" Toris' face darkened. His reply was cryptic. He looked into those violet eyes as he said,

"Desperate people are capable of desperate things."


	5. The Education of Ivan Braginski

**A/N: **Welcome back, loyal few, followers! You have no idea what it means to actually have people watching a rust fic. That is virtually unheard of. There's some more smut in this one, and I shall give a digital brownie to anyone who gets the _Shameless_ reference.

**Warnings: **Sexual innuendo, yaoi, smut, and the mouths of young teenagers. Also, I keep inwardly debating which is the best way to spell Eduard's last name.

**Disclaimer: **As always, thanks to HH for the whole shebang.

That day, Estonia had a shadow as he did his chores.

"So, c-can I ask you a q-question, Eduard?" The Latvian boy asked, as they cleaned the carpet.

"Absolutely, Raivis. What is it?"

"Are you in a... r-relationship now? Or is it like a- a 'Foes with benefits' thing?" Eduard shrugged and sighed.

"I'm not really sure. 'Foes with benefits'? Did you come up with that yourself?" Raivis shrugged and continued scrubbing the floor.

"What's the difference?" The young teen pressed.

"I guess... I guess the difference is attachment. Emotional attachment."

"So you _are_ in a relationship."

"I never said that!" Estonia retorted. "I told you, emotional attachments and _love_ are indicators of a relationship."

"I see that. I also see that you're really attached, emotionally or otherwise." Raivis had a stubborn look on his face, and Eduard knew he wasn't just going to drop the subject.

"I'm not attached."

"Then you can stop at any time."

"Not necessarily..."

"And you aren't being... _forced_ into it, a-are you?" Eduard scrubbed the floor for a bit, and thought about it. After a long pause, he answered.

"I suppose you could say I was forced by circumstance. A marriage of convenience or sacrifice. Whichever you prefer. Besides, what exactly do you define as 'it'?"

"Sex?"

"... You're blunt for a young teen." Eduard felt horribly defensive. No one understood his dilemma here, did they? _H__e_ was only trying to help. What was his reward? A whole bunch of questions and a pain in the ass. The blond Estonian decided to change the subject, before he said something he'd regret. "I notice your stutter's getting better."

"I stutter when I'm nervous. Can I ask another question?" The Estonian heard this and sighed.

"Okay, I guess you can."

"You're around Mr. Russia a lot... right?" Eduard blinked and a slight blush darkened his cheeks.

"Yes... And?"

"Are you ghetto married?" Eduard groaned and the face-palm he performed, echoed throughout the hallway.

"Where did you learn these terms?" He muttered.

"From Peter. He has a big vocabulary."

Later that night, they began the first lesson in control. They were in Ivan's upstairs bedroom, with a fire crackling merrily in the grate.

"Just acknowledge your own desires, but take me into consideration too." Eduard was saying. Ivan snaked his arms around the young man and pressed him into a long kiss that tasted of vodka and lasted several seconds. He leaned in and whispered in the Estonian's ear.

"I can make you purr like a kitten and beg like a dog. Why would I want to limit that?"

"Because I have a psychotic brother downstairs who genuinely fears for my health, as I do."

"You know I'd never hurt you, not like that."

"Are you certain of that? How can I know?"

"Your lack of faith distresses me, Eduard! I give you my word!" said Estonian rolled his eyes.

"Your word means nothing to me." He turned his face, pouting.

"You would be wise, not to say things like that!" Ivan growled as Estonia felt a flush of annoyance.

"Have you ever thought that maybe, this is why you need to manage your anger?" Ivan's temper snapped as he grabbed Eduard's shoulders, roughly pinning him to the nearest wall.

"Or maybe, I should just teach you a lesson in respect!" Ivan shouted, relishing the fear in Eduard's eyes as he pressed back against the wall.

"Y-you _just_ promised you wouldn't hurt me!"

"I promised I wouldn't maim you, that's different."

"You need to control yourself!"

"You're impossible!" Ivan yelled as he released Eduard. The Estonian let out a deep breath as he rubbed his shoulder. He sat on the bed while Ivan paced the floor in front of it, both men trying to calm down. After a few minutes, Eduard spoke up.

"Are you... ready to try again?" He asked quietly.

"Your patience is impressive."

"So is your grip." Ivan continued to pace the floor for a moment or two, before he spoke again.

"Now... Let's make a deal. Да?"

"I suppose. What kind of a deal?" Eduard questioned. He wasn't sure if he liked where this conversation was going.

"I control my violence, and you cut back on the smart-ass remarks." Eduard rather liked his smart comments. In a situation where he was powerless, they were his only defense. His wit was what saved him, protected him, allowed him to strike back at assailants in the only way he knew how. No wonder Ivan hated it.

"O-okay... I guess I can do that, but you have to hold up to your end of the bargain!"

"I can. It is easier to be calm when you are not driving me nuts with your sarcasm." Eduard was going to reply with a quick remark, but he remembered his promise and choked it back. "Alright, let us try this again," Ivan said, sitting down on the bed beside Eduard, and wrapping his arm around the other's waist. The Estonian nodded and smiled, leaning up for another french kiss.

As they grappled with their tongues, in a desperate sort of struggle; Ivan was surreptitiously unfastening the first few buttons on Eduard's shirt. He broke the kiss, just long enough to slip it off over Eduard's head. The blond felt cool, and shivered as chill-bumps formed on his arms. Ivan unlatched his coat and carelessly draped it over a bedpost as he maneuvered them both to the center of the bed, chuckling as he removed Eduard's glasses.

"Do not be afraid of me..." The Russian murmured as he slid off his undershirt, silently unzipping Eduard's pants.

"I'm not." Came the quiet reply. "I never really was." Then the ashe-blond Russian leaned down to press his lips against the younger man's. Eduard ran a finger along Ivan's jawbone before interrupting the kiss and wriggling out of his pants. Kicking them to the side, he laughed softly and pulled his lover into another kiss; entangling the fingers of his left hand in Ivan's hair, using the fingers on his right hand to slide off the Russian's pants, leaving them both tangled up in nothing but boxers.

Ivan wrapped his arm around Eduard's waist, and nipped at the blond's neck and collarbone, drawing a gasp from the Estonian. He began kissing and lightly biting, all down Eduard's torso, using his tongue, and lips, and teeth, eliciting quiet groans from the blue eyed man, who quickly bit down on his lower lip in a vain attempt to stifle the embarrassing sounds. Ivan chuckled, and leaned into the other's ear.

"Don't deny me the pleasure of hearing your voice. _Vocalize_, Eduard." He murmured. The blond shut his eyes and shook his head, so Ivan chuckled and reverted to rubbing on the hardening bulge between the Estonian's legs, kindling even stronger moans than before. He wasn't the only one making noise. As the Russian slid down the Estonian's boxers, he was practically purring, and trying to ignore the tightness in his own groin.

When Eduard's moans got as fevered as Ivan could stand, he rolled the younger man onto his stomach, and deftly slipping off his own underwear, began thrusting urgently. Eduard cringed at the initial pain, but began mimicking the Russian's motions as he clutched at the sheets in a death-grip. Ivan used one hand to steady himself, and the other to reach under Eduard and pull at the Estonian's erection. His moans grew to a fever-pitch, louder and longer; until finally, they climaxed at the same time, and fell apart, satiated.

Eduard let out an exhausted sigh and grinned into the pillow. After a few moments, he finally got his breathing under control.

"That was... so much better than the other times." He murmured.

"You weren't a bundle of nerves this time." Ivan replied. Eduard thought on this for a little while before Ivan spoke again. "I enjoy hearing your voice, you shouldn't stifle yourself like that."

"It's mortifying." Eduard grumbled.

"Why do you think so? That is not my opinion." Ivan inquired, as the Estonian's cheeks flushed with irritation.

"That may not be your opinion, but it's true. It's humiliating. All you have to do is run your hands over the right places, and I start whimpering like a dog."

"I am not going to lie, your physical appearance is not what attracts me to you." The Russian was quite blunt with these things. "Your voice, however, is beautiful."

"My... voice?" Eduard asked, slightly aflutter with the first real praise he'd ever received from Ivan Braginski.

"Your voice" Ivan confirmed.

"And... you really think it's... beautiful?"

"If I did not think it, I would not have told you so." Eduard heard and contemplated this. Every once in a while, a fellow country would compliment him on something, usually related to his skill with information technology. This was all well and good, but no one ever complimented him on his voice. And his voice was something in which Eduard took great pride. And so, with a touch of apprehension, the blond Estonian spoke up.

"Ivan. I'm going to show you something. Something I show very few people." Ivan raised an eyebrow, and Eduard opened his mouth. And then he sang.


	6. Spider Silk

**A/N: **Wow... up to five chapters now. This turned out to be more fun than I originally hoped.

**Cultural Notes: **About the clubs in Tallinn... I read a lonely planet article on the city, and apparently it's a stag party capital of Europe. The Banya is a sauna sort of thing. It involves going into a steam-room, getting slapped with a bundle of birch branches and then plunging into a frozen lake. Greshniki is a real gay club in st. Petersburg. It features dungeon style décor and nude waiters. Also, the patrons tend to be really creepy. Now the Banya is the only one of these with historical roots, and almost surely the only one even _around_ during the height of the Soviet era. So for now, let's just say it's... _alternate_ _history_. Yes... That makes it sound legit.

**Warnings: **Do I even have to state these anymore? Yaoi, drama, my terrible sense of humor, and bad world meetings. And just a reminder, this fan fiction is not meant to actually reflect history. At all.

**Disclaimer: ***sobs* You already know I don't own Hetalia. You already knoooow!

On Monday, the Monthly World Meeting was held in St. Petersburg. When Eduard arrived, he was glad to see Tino and Berwald from across the room. He waved and then went over to speak to his Finnish friend.

"Hello Tino!" He said as the two hugged. This was much to Berwald's dislike, and he fixed the Estonian with an icy stare.

"Hello Eduard! How have you been?" The Finn asked his friend.

"Fine, you?"

"I've been great, couldn't be better."

As this was happening, Ivan went over to speak with Yao.

"Privyet, comrade!" He proudly exclaimed as he shook hands with the personification of the PRC.

"Ni-hao, Ivan. How have things been in the USSR?"

"Fine, fine. I've been dealing with some personal problems, but that is irrelevant." Ivan was careful not to let any more slip out, because for all the "comrade" and "ally" flying around, he and Yao were still on thin ice around each other.

"Personal problems? Why Ivan... I remember a time when personal difficulties were simply notes in your agenda. You're not getting soft, are you?"

"Soft? Bah! You underestimate me, Yao."

"Do I? I should hope so. I wouldn't want your _personal problems_ to be slowing down the revolution in the west."

"Yao, you know I wouldn't compromise the movement for one, insignificant, little country."

"It's a country then..." The Chinese man muttered in astonishment. "You must really be getting soft, to let a single country stand in our way. Who is it? Surely not Natalya? Is it Alfred?"

"It is none of your concern!" Ivan snapped. The argument might have escalated, had Ludwig not called for the meeting to begin.

The assembly was tedious as ever, and each country passed the time in their own ways. Seated beside Tino and Berwald, Eduard paid attention by taking thorough notes. Or, he would be at least, was he not distracted by a particular Russian the entire time. Ivan was sitting across the table, and was boring holes into Eduard's heart with his staring.

Finally, After a while of this, Eduard glared back. Ivan glanced around, focused on his papers, and whispered something to Katyushka. The Estonian man wasn't sure he'd even been staring in the first place. After a few minutes though, all doubts were abolished when Ivan began glaring again. This time, Eduard threw his hands up, as if to say; _What's the problem?_

This unfortunately, drew the attention of Arthur, who was presenting at the moment.

"And this is why-" Arthur glanced down. "Mr. VonBock, anything you'd like to share with the rest of us?" He asked, with a devastating glare. Eduard flushed bright red and mumbled out a negative. His pride was damaged, but that didn't stop him from being upset. And that damn Russian was staring again.

At the end of the meeting, Eduard walked briskly to where Ivan was standing, bristling with anger.

"What the hell was that about, Ivan? You're worse than a child!" He growled.

"Ah, this must be the 'personal problem'." Yao stated, smirking. Eduard could feel himself growing angrier by the second.

"Oh, so that's what I am to you? I'm your little _personal problem_? Well keep your control issues. See if I care!" Eduard shouted as he stormed out. Ivan glared at Yao and followed the Estonian out, hoping he would slow down for long enough to talk. He didn't. Ivan did the only thing he could think of, he grabbed Eduard's arm and spun him around until they were face to face.

"Let go of me!"

"Not until you let me explain." Eduard struggled against the iron grip before he finally sighed in defeat.

"Okay. Explain to me why I'm just your personal problem, and why you wouldn't stop glaring at me during the meeting. I'd _love _to know." Ivan released Eduard's arm and stared at the ground.

"I just said that in front of Yao, because I don't want him to think I'm weak." Eduard raised an eyebrow in skepticism.

"How could he think you're weak? I think you just bruised my arm." Ivan shuffled a bit and glanced around suspiciously.

"He believes I am getting soft." Eduard's eyes widened as he understood.

"Oh my. I've actually been changing you, haven't I? You _are_ getting soft, by Yao's standards. Is that good or bad?"

"It is good for you and I personally, but I'm afraid it'll be bad news in the long run." Eduard sighed and cleaned his glasses, more out of habit than anything.

"That doesn't explain your behavior during the meeting." He pressed. Ivan blinked. And then he sighed.

"I was just keeping an eye on you. I do not like you sitting with those Nordics. Tino is suspicious and Berwald is creepy. I wouldn't let my guard down while you were with them." Eduard questioned that explanation. Finland was many things, but suspicious was not one of them. Suddenly, it dawned on him. He laughed.

"You're jealous, aren't you?" Ivan blushed as he shook his head.

"Never. That is untrue."

"You are! You_ are _jealous!" Eduard laughed and shook his head. "It's okay. You have to remember, Tino's married, and it's not like he can get away with an affair when Berwald is breathing down his neck. You won't have to worry about us, not as long as that Swede's around." Ivan still wasn't entirely convinced, but he was satisfied enough to ignore it for a while. He needed to relax. Apparently Eduard was thinking the same thing, because after a pause, he spoke up.

"Say, is there anywhere to unwind in this city?"

" Да, the club scene is nothing like Tallinn, but it is still very good." The Estonian smiled, remembering the parties in his home country.

"Any recommendations?"

"Hmm..." Ivan began. "Greshniki is a good one. The crowd is minimal, you know." Eduard frowned and shook his head.

"I've heard of that place. The crowd is minimal for a reason."

"We could go to the Banya...I find it very relaxing indeed." Eduard instantly expressed his disapproval of that option.

"The Banya is an insult to saunas everywhere. I should know. I have many of them."

"Banyas?"

"Saunas. Only _you_ would find it relaxing to be assaulted with sticks."

"Come now," Ivan chided. "The birch branches are meant to cleanse the skin. And I assumed you would find it relaxing as well. After all, you once told me you were a masochist."

"I was lying."

"Were you?" Ivan pressed. Eduard felt he was treading water in this conversation, exerting an obscene amount of effort, for little results.

"Maybe... we could just go home?" The blond suggested. The tall Russian smiled.

"That seems like a plan." He said.


	7. End Game

**A/N: **Okay people. We are approaching the endgame, and the storm is on the horizon. I wrote this at two in the morning... Before you start thinking that the shitty ending is shitty, please understand that in the original ending, Eduard dies. I thought you'd like the "Eduard Living" ending better.

**Warnings: **Violence and language?

**Disclaimer: **Someone should make a song about _how __much __I don't own Hetalia._

Another week passed, then another, as the deadline for Ivan's reform grew nearer and nearer. They were approaching the end-game, and Eduard had to admit, he'd made a lot of progress, but was it enough. And what of Toris? Recently the Estonian had read an article on something called "battered wife syndrome", in which an abused person becomes so full of anger and fear, that they strike out at their abusers, often a domestic partner. Toris wasn't a wife, but he was certainly battered. Ivan didn't seem to take the Lithuanian's threat very seriously, but after some research, Eduard wasn't certain what his brother was capable of doing. At this moment in time, anything was possible.

Meanwhile, Eduard had his own problems to wrestle with. He swore it would never happen, not like _this_, at least. But no matter how hard he tried to deny it, a quest that began as self sacrifice, turned into selfishness, which turned into something else entirely. He was in love. But did Ivan feel the same way? Eduard had spent days, trying to guess what was on the Russian's mind. In the end, he'd come to a conclusion.

The only way to find out, was to make the first move. To throw himself to the mercy of the waves, in the hope that he would float. Metaphorically of course. It couldn't hurt to have a little insurance as well, and naturally, the metaphorical equivalent of a life-jacket, had to be a gift. Thus, Eduard set out one morning, to get a gift. A gift for, quite possibly the most dangerous man on Earth.

When Ivan woke up that morning, he expected to find the Estonian sleeping peacefully beside him, as he usually was. Eduard wasn't there. Ivan checked the bathroom, perhaps he was showering. No, Eduard wasn't there either. The ashe-blond man got dressed, combed his hair, and went down for breakfast. On the way down the stairs, he saw Raivis, who was coming up.

"Oh Raivis~!" He called. The boy froze in his steps, and his heart momentarily stopped in it's tracks.

"M-mr. Russia s-sir! If this is about t-the thing in t-the library, I s-swear it wasn't m-my fault!" Ivan simply smiled and patted the boy's head.

"No, I was just wondering where Eduard got to. Have you seen him?" Raivis hurriedly shook his head and ran up the stairs, two at a time. Ivan continued walking, and when he got to breakfast, he sat at the table and asked the nations present, if any of _them_ had seen Eduard. Toris said nothing, Natalya growled, but Katyushka spoke up.

"If I'm not mistaken... I think he left, very early this morning." Ivan frowned.

"Do you know why?" He asked. Katyuska shook her head. Ivan rose from the table and walked upstairs. He had a sinking feeling in his gut.

Ivan picked up the rotary phone on his bedside table. Did he dare? He had a sinking feeling, a fear that his guess might really be founded. He realized that knowing the truth had to be better than this cursed uncertainty he felt. Ivan rolled out the number, and hoped to God no one would answer. To his dismay, someone did. It was Peter.

"Hello?" Answered the little voice.

"Privyet, Peter. Are your parents there?"

"No Mr. Russia. Papa Berwald is out of town, and Mama Tino went to see a friend today." Ivan mentally cursed. He had a pretty good guess who Tino was meeting, and his name started with an "E".

"Thank you anyway, Peter." Ivan said, and then he hung up.

Meanwhile, Eduard was looking through a pawn shop. These days, he had so little money. He wanted to get something nice, but wasn't sure how much he could afford. He was browsing through the jewelry when something yellow caught his eye. It was a sunflower pin. The petals seemed to be made of gold. Eduard doubted it was genuine, but he didn't think that mattered. It was the thought that counted, really. He paid for the trinket and headed home. He couldn't wait to show Ivan his gift.

It had taken Eduard all day to find the pin, but it was worth it. He could just picture the look on Ivan's face. He was imagining it as he turned the doorknob on the Soviet House. When he stepped through the threshold, he saw Ivan standing in the foyer. His expression was not quite what Eduard had imagined.

"Ivan I-"

"Where have you been all day?" The Russian asked gruffly. The blond was taken aback by the tone of Ivan's voice.

"I- I was out shopping!" He stuttered out. The ashe-blond man had a dark, alarming, look in his eyes, and for the first time in a long time, Eduard was afraid.

"I see you are carrying no bags. Care to explain that?"

"I was looking for- for something special! It took all day to find it." Ivan stepped forward and leaned down until he was staring right into Eduard's eyes.

"I assumed, that after all this time, I would be able to catch you in a lie. Apparently I cannot." Ivan placed one hand on Eduard's shoulder and pressed down until it became more than uncomfortable. "I give you one, last, chance. Now please, Eduard. Tell me what you were doing." The Estonian's eyes grew wide with fear. Ivan wasn't just angry this time. He was _homicidal._

"I already told you!" He pleaded. "I wasn't lying, I _told you!_" Ivan sighed and shook his head.

"I had a sinking suspicion that you were seeing Tino today. Were you?"

"I told you! There was no way I could even _talk_ to him with Berwald there!" Ivan let out a deep growl as he shook with rage.

"I am fully aware of this! So I called over, and was informed that Sweden was _out of town_." Eduard's eye's widened as he realized the implications of this knowledge, he was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. And he was going to suffer dearly for it. Ivan continued. "I also found out the Finn was going to, and I quote, 'See a friend today'. Was it so wrong of me to assume that _you _were that friend?"

"Of course it was wrong! Because I'm not!"

Toris had been watching the exchange from the doorway. He'd known this was coming, and he'd tried to warn Eduard. He really had. The kid just wouldn't listen! Now, as usual, Toris had to take matters into his own hands. But how? The Lithuanian's eye wandered to the front door, and the vase that stood beside the doormat, and the umbrella therein. He crept behind the arguing countries. Eduard saw him out of the corner of his eye, but he didn't dare to let his eyes flicker and risk revealing his brother.

Ivan picked up his pipe from where it was leaning against the wall. He pressed it against Eduard's ribcage and looked into the eyes of the trembling Estonian.

"This is your last chance to tell the truth Eduard. I mean it this time. I really do." Eduard blinked and squeezed his eyes shut as Toris swung the umbrella. It struck Ivan's back with a disappointingly dull thump. The Russian spun around and swung his pipe at Toris. The move took seconds, but for Eduard it sped by in vivid slow motion. He did the only thing he knew, he jumped in front of the blow.

The pipe hit his chest, with a loud cracking noise that slung Eduard back against the wall. Ivan's eyes widened as he realized what had happened. Toris ran forward and knelt at his brother's side. Ivan stood stock still in place as he listened to Eduard's rasping breath.

"T-Toris..." The Estonian whispered.

"Be quiet Eduard. Don't waste your energy on trying to speak." Toris brushed his brother's hair aside, but the blond wasn't listening.

"Look... Look in my coat pocket." Eduard coughed and groaned. There was no blood in the saliva. That was a good sign, right? Toris reached his hand into Eduard's coat pocket and pulled out a tiny package wrapped in plain paper. "F-for Ivan" Eduard muttered before coughing again. Toris glared at the Russian and threw him the package. Ivan caught the tiny parcel and opened it. It was a sunflower pin.

"This... this is what you were shopping for?" He asked in shock. There was a sick feeling curling up from his stomach. A sick, disturbing tendril of horror. Horror at what he'd done in anger. But Eduard was still breathing. There was still hope. Ivan lunged forward and grabbed Toris's collar, pulling him off the floor. "Get a doctor!" He growled.

"No! I'm not leaving you alone with him! You'll kill my brother!" Ivan released Toris and knelt beside Eduard.

"You're wrong. I _love_ your brother."

"You've got a damn funny way of showing it!" Toris retorted. Nevertheless, he called the UN assigned doctor. He was one of the best in Eastern Europe, and was assigned to patch up countries. All they could do now was hope.

Eduard was awakened by the ringing of a phone. He felt a strong urge to answer it, but for some reason, he was far too tired to sit up. It was no matter. Someone else answered it first. Eduard heard Ivan's voice flow through the room.

"Yes, I called. Peter told me you were out." a pause. "To see... Mathias?" a longer pause. "Ah, he told you? It is not like it seems, I swear. It was a misunderstanding that cost me dearly." Eduard heard the phone click back onto the base. He leaned back onto his pillows and gave a sigh. He must have been lying in Ivan's bed. His own wasn't nearly this soft.

"I see you are awake..." The Russian murmured quietly.

"Yes..." Eduard sighed. "Did you see my gift? Did you like it?" Eduard asked quietly, and with a smile.

"I saw it. I liked it very much, Eduard."

"I hoped you would." Eduard said.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, sorry..." The ashe-blond Russian hung his head in shame. "The doctor said I broke several of your ribs and I was lucky they didn't rupture your lungs. I could have killed you! I almost did! I suppose there's a moral here." Toris spoke up. From what Eduard could see, he was standing in the doorway all along.

"The moral is to control your damn anger." He muttered. But Eduard shook his head.

"That's a good point, but the truth is... There is no moral. There is no lesson, this is life, and sometimes life is just a bitch. You do everything you can, fight as hard as you can, and bad things will still happen to good people. The 'moral' is that even though stuff happens, you just have to keep on living. What else can you do?" Ivan chuckled quietly. Toris shook his head and smiled. Eduard coughed. "Now, get out of here, you bastards. I'm tired." The two men obliged and Eduard VonBock closed his eyes. He was awfully tired.

**Final Author's Note: In the end, you know those people who always say, "I'll do better next time"? Sometimes they never do, and sometimes you have to deal with that. Sometimes you have to try, and sometimes the right thing to do is to accept it and move on.**

**Fin.**


End file.
